it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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