I'm drive I can fine osifer
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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