Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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