Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
