next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
