So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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