I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
