Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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