Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
