He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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