she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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