You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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