I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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