Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
