i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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