i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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