THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize