xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Pants are for mortals
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
