and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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