I have demons in me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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