you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
