whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
