I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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