That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
