the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
