Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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