What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
