Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
