She's JV to your varsity
someone threw a dead crab at me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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