I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
