Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
