I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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