This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
