Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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