Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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