Apparently you make a good broom.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
