i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
