Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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