Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
