is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
