Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
