All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
