I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
