I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
