As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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