Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
