I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
