she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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