Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
