I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
