I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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