Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
