btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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