What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
