no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
