i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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