She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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