he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
