"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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