there's paper in my vomit.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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