I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
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