I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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