I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
