Only a mothe r could love this liver
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
