trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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