you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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