i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
