i was rollin on her like bob the builder
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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