K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
