just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize