I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
