so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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