I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
