I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
