I think i sorta joined a cult last night
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
