I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
