I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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