She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
