at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
