I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
