Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
