hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
