I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
