omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
