Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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