If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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