Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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