Nicole vs. Life
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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