I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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