he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
