He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
